Podcast Episode - Ask KT & Suze Anything: How Do I Tell My Son That His Girlfriend is Sponging Off Him?

On this Ask Suze & KT Anything episode, KT asks Suze questions from you about the relationship between oil and the stock market, which is better: buying or renting a home, finances and family plus so much more.

Listen to Podcast Episode:

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Podcast Transcript:

Suze: July 10, 2025. Welcome everybody to the Women and Money podcast.

KT: Everyone smart enough to listen.

Suze: Are you all taking advantage of the Alliant Credit Union 12 month CD offer? You should go to myalliant.com and 12 month one year CD is at 4.3 APY and it's only for Suze listeners so special just for you so you best take advantage of it all right KT.

KT: All right, my first question is from Caitlin. Hi Suze.

Suze: Like Caitlin Clark. Oh,

KT: Suze loves Caitlin Clark. Everyone loves Caitlin Clark. She changed the whole face of women's basketball, didn't she?

Suze: I love women's basketball.

KT: I never liked it until she came on board because I found it to be slow and boring compared to men, but she is extraordinary.

Suze: Everyone should be grateful to her. And all the people that keep pushing her and knocking her down. You don't want her out of the game. You don't want that.

KT: Don't hurt our girl...

Suze: Don't do that.

KT: OK, so from Caitlin. Hi Suze, is there a relationship between oil and the stock market?

Suze: It depends, KT. Sometimes people think there's like this inverse relationship between the stock market and oil, so they kind of think that when oil prices go up, then the stock market goes down and vice versa. And that logic is just very simple, but it isn't true. They think higher oil equals higher cost for companies, which means lower profits and da da da, but history doesn't back that up on any level. Sometimes they rise together.

Because a strong economy, KT, can also like increase the demand for oil, so for shipping, travel, manufacturing, all those things in a strong economy can also boost corporate earnings, lifting stock prices up. So like in 2006 and 2007—you're going to yell at me for going on too long about this simple question—but oil prices, do you remember this, they rose so sharply. And the S&P 500 index was also just totally... It was skyrocketing. Why? Because the economy was roaring. So they both were doing well...

KT: Is that when the price of gas was like over the... off the charts?

Suze: Off the charts.

KT: Like 4 or $5.

Suze: But sometimes, KT, they go in opposite directions. In 2011, do you remember when all this unrest was in the Middle East and it pushed up oil so much and then stocks pulled back temporarily, but it was always just temporarily. So here's the bottom line. That was a very long answer to no. Oil and stocks aren't consistently inverse or together. It all depends on what's going on, all right, just that simple.

KT: OK, next question is from Anita and I think that many people listening may find themselves in this dilemma. She said hello Suze Orman.

I am 68. I lost my partner after he retired and passed 4 years ago. I made so many financial mistakes trying to do the right thing, maybe the old fashioned way. In 2022 I was told the interest rate was increasing, the housing prices would decrease, and I would be in trouble, so I sold and entered the worst time to rent before trying to buy again.

So now let me give everyone a little backstory here. Anita has two children, one is in California, one is in Washington state, and she's weighing in that if she was to buy a home in California, for instance, she said she can put 20% down on a half plex that needs to be remodeled in a nice lakeside community, a little remote for under 400. All right, ready?

Or I can buy a newer one that is a tight duplex for over 400 in Washington state where prices are increasing and most homes are over 550, she said, and it rains a lot there, so she said, any thoughts? Should I continue to rent and continue to wait until the economy changes or do something? So she's renting and paying in rent more than what her mortgage payment was on a house she sold, but kind of kicking herself.

Suze: You can't kick yourself, you know, there's a law of money which is you cannot look at what you had. You have to look at what you have. Comparing to something that was years ago versus now just makes no sense because everything has gone up so much in value. Here's the thing.

You know you lost your partner four years ago and sometimes—and that's why I always say to everybody that you are to do nothing other than to stay safe and sound for at least six months to one year, preferably two years after you have suffered the loss of a loved one—because when you do make a move, it's a move like this and you made a mistake. But all right, you made a mistake. You now can't afford to make another one.

So Anita, you really need to ask yourself the question, do you like where you're living right now? Forget about what you're spending versus what you used to spend. Can you afford renting? Because trust me, renting has its advantages as well. When something breaks, you need a new refrigerator, whatever it is, you don't have to fix anything. You are not responsible for anything. So you are now 68.

And you will get older and older—hopefully—and sometimes owning a home is a big deal. Also when you buy a home, you never quite know what you are really buying. Like does it leak? Will the plumbing need to be replaced? All of these things. So first question you have to ask and answer yourself: Do you like where you're renting? Can you afford it comfortably?

And if so, continue to rent. You don't have to make a decision because your rent is more than what your mortgage payment was years ago. That's number one.

Suze: Number two, you really need to think about where you want to move, all right? And besides the house, is it in an area that's walkable, it's easy for health care, there's a community, what is the maintenance, what are your neighbors like? You need to look at all of those things because if it's a duplex, you're going to have somebody living next door to you and you're gonna hear them going up and down the stairs, maybe they have kids, maybe they play their music loud, so you really, really need to think about that, OK.

Also, you need to understand what's happening with weather. When you own something and you don't own it outright—you do a mortgage on it, all right—you're gonna have to have property insurance, and property insurance today is so much more than it was when you owned your other house. I can't even tell you. So can you really afford what it's gonna cost you to live in this house—property taxes, insurance, maintenance and everything?

I'm not sure that you should absolutely do this all at once, all right? Just feels like you're rushing and thinking if you buy something now, it will take away the mistake you made then. Look at what you have, not at what you had. Right now, you have a lot of money making a good interest that you could invest and make even more money, and maybe that's better than owning a home.

KT: All right. Suze, I currently have a revocable trust created by an attorney. I am 60 but created this 10 years ago. I want to make changes, but the attorney wants, ready... $6000 to do that. Can I use your must have document program to create a new trust that will supersede the prior one? Not complicated, but something that you absolutely can do by yourself on your own and save $6000.

Suze: Yeah, I think $99 to buy it.

KT: Must have documents...

Suze: Would be, yeah, would be easy. So go to musthavedocs.com and take a look. All right, go on, KT.

KT: OK, next question is from Mandy. My husband and I both have individual HSAs, health savings accounts, that are just sitting. We are currently maxing each year in our family plan. What is your advice on investing the funds in the HSA rather than letting it sit earning pennies on the dollar?

Suze: Oh, you should absolutely invest it. Every HSA, health savings account, comes with investments, whether they're 1000 of them, 15 of them, whatever. Contact your company, see what you can invest in, and you should be investing. All right, go on KT.

KT: OK, this next one is another spicy question. I love these. This one's really good. This is from Michelle. She said, hi Suze. She is 25 and he is 24.

Suze: That's how she opens this email?

KT: Yes, ma'am. Here is a little more background of the pickle I've gotten myself into. My son was a senior in high school when COVID hit. Real bummer for his senior year. He went to college in the fall and all his classes turned into online classes, which didn't work for him. He didn't pass any classes and he moved home.

When he moved home, he got a job, built up his savings. When he was ready to go back to school, he decided to go to where my daughter had just graduated and move into the house that I bought as an investment while she was in school. And Michelle goes on to tell us it was a good investment. I've rented rooms to students that covers the mortgage and my kid while going to school didn't have to pay rent. Good. So Michelle did well with her daughter.

Suze: Then what happened?

KT: Then soon thereafter, his girlfriend wanted to move in with him. She was living in our hometown, which is three hours away. I should have done my due diligence, but since she is my son's girlfriend, I said, OK. She signed a lease agreement and was supposed to pay rent, but with just sporadic jobs and other bills to pay, I've only received sporadic rent payments. She's a good talker and makes plans to get back on track with every job. As of now she owes me over $4000 in back rent.

I found out she borrowed money from my son to help pay her bills. His nest egg is now gone, and she's borrowed from other people too. It's an ugly situation and hard on our family because it's my son's girlfriend. If it was any other renter, they would have been out of the house a long time ago. So Michelle goes on to tell us she's a person who has all sorts of big plans—traveling, retiring early, etc.—but doesn't hold a job and has no money. I want to give her something that could help her be realistic and kick her into gear. I’d kick her somewhere else, Suze, but I think that Michelle...

Suze: I know exactly what she's saying.

KT: She's saying...

Suze: I know exactly what I would tell Michelle. I don't care about this girl.

KT: I don't think Michelle wants a daughter-in-law.

Suze: Wait, listen to me. I care about her son, and her son is obviously making very bad choices right now. And since this is her son's girlfriend, I would tell them they both have to leave. Oh, I would say to both of them I would sit them down and I would say I am owed $4000 in back rent. You—this woman—I would say, whatever her son's name is, I allowed your girlfriend to live here because I love you so much, but I don't love you enough to be down $4000. Therefore, the two of you need to leave.

So that I can get rent for both of your places and make up for the $4000 deficit. So you have 30 days to both be out of here.

KT: And find your own place to live and figure it out.

Suze: And that's it, right? And I'm not going back on this. This is how it is. You have to take responsibility that you are in a relationship with somebody who has been totally irresponsible, and I would say this in front of her.

Therefore, if this is what you are choosing, then you have to choose to stick by her side and leave with her. You have 30 days to get out, and that is exactly what I would say.

KT: I love that. That's great, great advice.

Suze: That is exactly what I would say.

KT: I love that. Yeah, good, Michelle, do it.

Suze: Now, Michelle, it's gonna be very hard for you to do that because it's your son. But if you don't kick your son into common sense gear, he's gonna possibly get this woman pregnant. He's possibly going to end up having to marry her. He's never gonna have any money. That will be the biggest regret of his life—not your life necessarily—but his life.

Kick it out now, or I'm telling you your son is going to pay. He obviously can't say no to her. Because he gave her all of his savings, are you kidding me? He's got to leave and figure out how to do it on his own now, just that simple. And when he says, no, no, Mom, mom, really we'll come up with the money and say, sorry, my mind is made up. Both of you have to go. That's it.

KT: If you can come up with that money, then that's plenty of money for you to rent elsewhere. Be stern and strict.

Suze: Then, if he says, but what if she goes and I stay? Sorry. Right, you want to do that to your girlfriend. Why would you want to do that to your girlfriend? You can't do that to your girlfriend unless you break up with your girlfriend. So you should just be really straight with him. This is going to be the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but guess what? I have a feeling. Think about that $4000. Think about what you're saving your son from, and you can do it.

KT: So Suze, this is my last question. This is gonna be a short...

Suze: What do you mean it's your last question?

KT: It's the middle of July. I'm doing a summer shorty today. Why? It is the most gorgeous day on Earth, and I'm taking Suze for a boat ride. Everyone, I'm taking her for a boat breakfast adventure, and that's all I'm gonna tell her. So here's my last question. Dear Suze...

Suze: You should see my face, everybody. All right, go on.

KT: Um, uh, I like this question. Thank you for all you and KT do. I handle the finances for our family, and I so appreciate everything I've learned from you. I hope you might be able to help me with this question, and this is from Lynn. She said, My daughter and her partner are about to have their first child.

They are each taking two months unpaid leave. Our daughter will then return to her freelance work, and our daughter-in-law will begin nursing school. They are both admirable young people. They're asking for our help, paying for child care beginning in January, perhaps $1500 a month.

This is something we can afford to do, and we have been very generous and helpful in the past. Where I stumble is in the feeling that they should be living within their means and wondering what we are teaching them by being so generous. I'd love to know your thoughts. Sincerely, Lynn.

Suze: So KT, this one's a little confusing to me, right?

KT: I don't think it's confusing at all.

Suze: Well, it's confusing to me...

KT: Lynn and her husband clearly have, you know, plenty of money. And they have been very generous to their children, obviously, she said we've been very generous in the past and we would like to continue helping them. We can afford to help them, but her dilemma is that she is a Suze student.

And she's asking you this question: am I hurting by helping or am I helping by hurting?

Suze: I understood that when you read it, KT, but this... Lynn is having issues with money, right? You can just, you just, just feel it. So Lynn, the real question is why? What's going on in your life that you feel like all of a sudden you wanna pull back here?

Because if you feel like the fact that you even asked me this question—"where I stumble is in feeling that they should be living within their means"—says to me that they're living a really great lifestyle on your money and you don't like it. And therefore I think, did they just assume when they had their child that you were going to take care of it?

Did they not have a plan of what it would actually cost them to do so, and are they just taking it for granted that you're going to step in and give them $1500 a month?

KT: Well, if you take a look at this carefully, one of the girls is going back to nursing school. The other one is going back to freelancing. They obviously can't afford to both go to work and have a child.

Suze: Well, didn't they think about that before they had a child? Because it's not like—I mean, with due respect, and I can say this—it's two women. It's like they tried to get pregnant. It's not like it just happened and now all of a sudden one of them is pregnant, right, which can happen seriously between a man and a woman. And now you're pregnant, what are you gonna do?

Here, these two—they planned the child, but they did not plan how to pay for the child. And I think where Lynn is feeling a little bit upset is that now it's almost as if they don't have a choice. They're asking for her help to pay for child care, perhaps $1500 a month.

KT: So they're asking...

Suze: Here's what I don't understand. Why are they each taking two months of unpaid leave? That's what I would be upset about.

Why doesn't just one take leave—the mother that had the baby—and the other one should continue working to make money to save that money to pay for child care when the other one has to go back to wherever they're going back to. Because I don't know which one...

KT: We don't know which, yeah, we don't know which one...

Suze: So, I have to tell you, Lynn, I would have a serious talk with them. And I would have a talk with them: who did you think was going to pay for this when you decided to have a child? Why are you both taking leave? Like how can we cut your expenses so that in fact you can afford to pay for childcare. There's more going on. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else Lynn is dealing with.

KT: I think Lynn feels like she is a bank instead of a grandmother.

Suze: That's actually a great idea, KT. If Lynn feels like she's a bank, then she needs to act like a bank. And if she decides that she's going to help them with $1500 a month, it needs to be a loan, not a gift, and she should have a contract drawn up, seriously, where—when are payments due on this loan? And at what interest rate? And they both need to sign it. It needs to be like a legal contract.

And that Lynn maybe will give them two years to start making payments on it. Right, because in that period of time it's gonna be like $36,000, Lynn, that you will have paid for them. And so then I would take that $36,000 and I would demand payments on it over X amount of years—maybe over the next five years they need to pay that back to you. But whatever feels good to you. But seriously, you need to have a talk with them and then you decide.

But they planned to have a child, but they didn't plan to pay for the child, and they just assumed you were going to. What have you done in your relationship with them that allowed them to even think that way? How did you create this situation? Just something for you to think about. You know, Lynn sounds like somebody who—she always steps in to help somebody who's in need. Just sounds that way to me anyway.

Suze: That's it, huh, KT?

KT: I think that's a wrap, Suze.

Suze: Where are we going?

KT: I'm taking you for a great adventure.

Suze: I'm the one who drives the boat.

KT: You will drive, but I'm taking you to the destination.

Suze: And you have it in mind?

KT: Yes.

Suze: Are you bringing food?

KT: Yes.

Suze: Oh, that's all that mattered. My coffee and my raisin toast?

KT: Yes.

Suze: All right, all right. So everybody, that's it. You get a break from us right now. So until...

KT: It's called a sunrise shorty today.

Suze: So until Sunday, there's only one thing that I want you to remember when it comes to your money. What is that, KT?

KT: People first, then money, then things.

Suze: Now you stay safe. Bye bye.