May 10, 2020
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In this special Mother’s Day 2020 podcast, Suze is joined, once again, by KT! Together, they share stories about their own moms and the lessons they learned from each.
May 10, 2020, and happy Mother's Day, everybody. Before I begin this podcast, I just want to say thank you to all of you who have downloaded the app, the Women and Money Community app. All you have to do is do what? Go to Apple Apps or Google Play, search for Suze Orman, and you can download it. And I'm not even going to tell you anymore about the app because it's just so fabulous. And by the way, have all of you noticed the other day when I did a live stream and about 550 of you came on and some of you ask questions, I went back after that stream was over, and I looked at every single question that was asked and I answered them and they're all posted on the app? So when I live stream, you should be paying attention, everybody. And again, I welcome all of you who have become Suze Ambassadors as a new way for you to help yourself, as well as you are able now to make some extra money for yourself. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you just have to go to the app and find out. May 10, I get that it's Mother's Day, but it is another day, is it not, Miss Travis? OK, KT is back, here I am, everybody. There's a big reason why she asked me to join her, and that's very rare, as you know. May 10 is the second time Suze and I were actually together. And for us, we have three anniversaries. April 16 when we met, May 10 which I'll get to in a moment, and then our actual wedding day, which was... Uh huh, when was that KT? When was it KT? September 8. What year, KT? Ten. Yeah, 2010. She got that right? You know, how you could remember that easily? Because we're together 20 years. No. Eight, nine, 10. The 8th day of September 2010. So just remember eight, nine, 10, and you'll never forget our anniversary again. Oh, eight, nine, 10, that's great, I love that. But September is a nine. Yes, but eight. So it European style, the way that they do their dates. Alright, nine, eight, 10. I love that. Oh my God, this is what I go through, everybody. Wait, so May 10 was the day we actually were together. And it was the most romantic, unbelievable time we've ever spent. And we loved being together so that that was, that was a great day. As you know we met on April 16 and we didn't see each other again, but we talked for hours every single night. And finally, on May 10 we were able to finally meet in Southern California, and the rest is history. But today is Mommy's Day. Do you think we would have made good mommies? Fabulous. I know that I would have been a very nurturing, great mom. I still that way now. And you are like the Money Mommy, you're the teacher of everything. Yes, but being a Money Mommy... Your kids love you, our nieces and nephews love you, especially when they were little babies. They love Aunt Suze, you're the favorite. You're the absolute favorite. No, Aunt Kathy is the absolute favorite for me. For me, I really don't have a great time when kids can't talk to me. No, she likes the feedback. It's like I want, I want to have a real conversation with them and I just don't want to talk goo-goo and ga-ga. No, she is not a baby talker. I'm not a baby talker. Like, remember when, um, Cheryl Mercer, who was one of the women that I used to work with, and I'm so sad that she died a few years ago if you remember that. Anyway, she had just adopted a daughter, and her daughter was about six years of age. Remember this? And we went to visit her in Sag Harbor and I sat on a bench and I was talking to her about God and the purpose of life and all these things. Do remember this now? And then she goes back and talks to her mom and Cheryl calls me and says, what kind of conversation was that? All of a sudden, my daughter is talking to me about things that a 20-year-old talks about. So that's kind of how I relate to people. And you have done that with Sophia her entire life, and Travis, all of them. But you would have made a great mom. Yeah, absolutely, without a doubt. What do you think the greatest lesson you learn from your mom is? Generosity. You think you're generous? Yes. In what way? But I like the lesson that I learned is what generosity is, truly. Giving of yourself, your time. I don't mean generous with material things at all. I mean generous with your time, with caring, with care-giving. Generosity. My mom had six kids, a great husband, my dad, um and she took care of everybody. She was selfless, she did not ever want for herself, ever that I can remember. She was incredibly generous, and when I think of her and all... Awe, now she's going to cry, KT's crying. No, I miss my mom. I miss your mom too. And on Mother's Day, I have to tell everyone, you just miss them. I don't want to cry, but you just missed them so much, and you miss saying did I tell them how much I loved them? Look at Suze is all teary-eyed too. We miss them. Yeah, what do you miss most? Just seeing my mom, just being there. Nothing in particular, just their presence. And how happy, oh our moms were so happy for us, especially when you and I found each other. And I'm glad they were both alive to be with you and me, together. And they loved how happy we were. We'll never forget when we were in Chicago, and it was the first time that you met my mom. We went out to this restaurant, everybody, and my mom was very interesting as a woman, really, she was. And remember what she said to us that night? I'll never forget. We're sitting in this little calypso restaurant and she looked at Suze and then she looked at me and she said, now I can die a happy woman because Suze found KT. And I was like, what? And she went on to explain that she never understood what she had done wrong because she had blamed herself. Not that I was with women at the time, because even though I think that was always hard for her, she had finally kind of accepted it, although I'm not sure she ever really did accept it. But that wasn't the point. She never understood why I was with women that she felt never really loved or honored me. And that she really took that to heart, that she had done something wrong, that I had made such bad choices in my life. She was just happy for us. She loved me, oh, my God. Suze's mama loved me and I loved her. We had a lot of times, just the two of us alone. And I'd take her shopping and I mean, we had a good time. I loved being with her. The reason that KT was the one who had to take my mother shopping is that I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't deal with it. You know when you grow up and you don't really have a lot of stuff, then here I am, and I become Suze Orman that all of you know, and I do have significant amounts of money. You would want me to have that because I couldn't teach you about money if I didn't have money myself. And I would buy her the most incredible outfits. I would shower her with things that I knew that she wanted her whole life that she never was able to buy, and I would come back and I would say, did you love all this stuff? And she said no, I took it all back. Wait, Suze, let me tell them. Suze's mom was the consummate returner. She would return everything back and forth back and forth. So for me, it was no big deal. I could go out with her and I didn't have recognition like Suze, I was just KT, and Suze's mom. And we would spend hours going back and forth, returning things, getting something different or another color or a different size. And that's the way we'd spend our time, and we had fun. She swam with me, she was great. But in the end, the only thing my mother ever wanted was what, KT? What we were wearing. Like if I had something on, she'd say, can I have that? If KT had something on, she'd say... No, she would say, oh, I love your jacket. And I'd say, do you want it? And she'd say, yes. Suze would go crazy. And also that's that was my mama and KT spent a whole lot of time with her. I have to tell you, KT for me, I think what I learned most from my mother, and I hope you all take this the right way, was how not to be. How not to be. My mother never could make a decision. My mother, never really after my father had died, found her own power because everybody, my brothers, did everything for her. So she wasn't allowed, and she didn't allow herself to make her own decisions. So even when we would go out to dinner... Ah ha. Remember, what are you having? I'd say, Mama O, we called her Mama O. Mama O, what would you like for dinner? Well, what are you having? And Suze, what are you having? And she just could never make a decision, ever. Ever. And so, watching that and watching how powerless especially she became after my father died, it was almost like she had more power when my father was alive because she was a secretary and she was working, and it was just the two of them. And they had their own relationship. But when he died, and he died when she was 66, that's almost three years younger than me right now, KT, And two years younger than you. Everybody took over thinking that they were going to be helping her, and somehow it rendered her so powerless. So for me, what I learned from my mother growing up was that an Orman never gives up. I saw how strong she was, and I saw how strong especially my father was because he was so ill. But I learned getting older that it's really, really important to know your own thoughts. That it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, it matters what you think and what you want, and you need to decide. So what I learned most for my mother was how not to be. And her powerlessness helped me to become the powerful woman who I've become to this day. Would you think that's true? Totally, completely. I think that that's very, very true. So you know, KT, it strikes me that I get that your mom stayed home and she took care of, you know, six kids. Was she good with money, by the way? Oh my God, she's the one that actually managed all the finances. My dad would work, come back and hand her a paycheck. That was it. And she took care of everything, and he never asked her, where's the money? What did you do with the money? She managed to the penny. However, KT, that's not exactly true. Because like most women, even many women today, your mother took care of all the household expenses. Because why do women do that? Because the house holds everything that they love and cherish, mainly their children and their spouse. What she did not take care of was how the money, the other money, besides it was spent on the household, how it was invested. That she didn't know I and they didn't share that together. My mother and father didn't have that conversation. So this is something that's very important to this day, that it's very important that both spouses are equally involved and not only paying for the household expenses, but how the money gets invested. Because if only one of you is responsible for that, and then something happens to the person who was responsible for that, the other spouse could be at a tremendous loss and not even possibly find some of the money. So tell the story KT... So Suze and I used to go and see my mom often, and she would get all of these bills and invoices and all of her mail and I'd help her go through it towards the end. And I'll never forget this. I said, Suze, take a look at all these documents that are still under my dad's name. Now wait, wait one second before she goes on. I just want to say this was at a time when we had helped her mother go into an assistive assisted living facility and she was getting more and more depressed and she was getting depressed because she's giving up on life. She was because she knew she had approximately $60k or less than that, something like $30k left to her name. And she knew once that money was gone, it was almost as if she didn't want to live anymore because she didn't want to be a financial burden on KT and myself and the rest of the family. So go on now. So I'll never forget, we had all the papers out and we're looking through everything, and Suze puts on her glasses and goes, oh, she said, look, Mama T, we called her Mama T. Mama T, you have $60k here. Oh, Mama T, you have $10k here. Oh, your husband, Buddy, we called my dad, Buddy, Buddy had this fund. And look at this, and a life insurance policy. So Suze found $120k in one night. And my mother, if only I could describe her face. My mother was like someone that just won the lottery. My mother lit up, she had a smile, she had strength fill her up because she couldn't believe first that my father had made these great decisions. And second, Suze found them. I didn't even know enough about what these documents and letters and things were, that it was just, you know, gibberish to me. I didn't understand what it meant. Suze, in a heartbeat, would. Oh, and she made it so simple. Within days, my mother had, you know, accumulated three times the amount of wealth that she ever dreamed of, or four times. But here's what really happened, everybody. She became happy. She wanted to live. She lived many years after that by the way, just so you know. And she would then write little checks. The power that it gave her to write a little check for $50 to send to her daughter or her grandkids or somebody she felt like she was able to give again and that she wasn't a burden on anybody, because she had the money to take care of herself. It was fabulous. My mother, on the other hand, we had a whole different story there. Remember that story? Yes. Well, the other thing I want people to know is because of Suze, my mom had will and trust, and it was Suze's will and trust. Well, it's the Must Have documents program, everybody that I'm asking all of you to do and become an ambassador for, but go on. Wait, because my mom had that in place, it gave her, even more, rest and peace of mind. Unbelievable. And we actually ended up putting, that was the first time we exercised the will and trust documents, which was, I guess, about five or six years after you had written those up from my mom or she did them and it was unbelievable. So it was so great about it is that one or two weeks after Mama T had died, maybe it was a week after, right? Um, all the kids, all of KT's brothers and sisters were here and there were six of them. And they were able, KT was able to give each one of them a check for $15k um, that her mom had leftover. Which no one expected. And it was really, it was such a gift, probably for my mom, I'm sure was so happy and smiling. We had a big dinner, a lot of fun again telling stories. And most of all, they all walked away with money from a woman that, you know, was really a beautiful, incredible mom. Yeah, and that's all they thought they were going to get but they got a little more, right? For me, it was a little bit different in that my mom kind of lived a financial fantasy where she thought that she had a whole lot more money than she did. And I let her think that because she just wanted to feel like my father had taken care of her and that everything was great. And so she thought that everything was coming from the money that her husband left and that allowed her to live this lifestyle. And then when I was saying Mommy, we're spending this money and it was me the whole time taking care of her, you know? But it was interesting. She lived a financial fantasy, and I often wonder what would have happened if she hadn't had a little Suze to take care of her. Her life really probably would have been a lot different. But here we are, and we're telling you stories about our moms and our moms are no longer here. It's been many years now since our moms left, and we now are actually the matriarchs of our extended family. And if I was going to say one thing to all of you if you still have your mother's and fathers. But today's Mother's Day, so let's talk about moms. It would be, always be kind to them and always be understanding of them and understand that as somebody gets older, they get really afraid to die. And it is not unusual as people get older, especially women, that they can get bitter and they can get angry and they could be angry at you and they will take it out, possibly on you. Many of my friends who are now older and who have lost their moms as well, we sometimes talk about how not everybody, a lot of moms were sweet to the very end. But a lot of moms were not so sweet to the very end. And it's not because they weren't sweet. It's because they were afraid and they were angry that their life was going to end and they didn't know what to do about it. And so, in the same way that when I'm aggravated or something, I take it out on who? KT, right? Because she's the one closest to me, and so she's the one who gets it that a lot of times your mom, if they're really close to you, you're the one that's going to get it. But if I had one regret, which is why I'm telling you this, I wish I had been more generous of nature to my mom, KT. I wish that I had been more understanding and that I had more patience and that when she wasn't nice to me and she wasn't loving to me and she wasn't being kind, I could have looked through all of that. I could have said Mom, inwardly, I could have said, Mom, I know you're angry, I know you're afraid, you can say whatever you want to me, and I'm strong enough to take it and I'm going to show you love no matter what. But instead, I would say OK and I would leave and I wouldn't want to come back. And even when I would come back to Florida sometimes and she was just a few blocks away, I didn't let her know that I was here for a week or two because I just didn't want to deal with it. And I lost that precious time. Now, I'm not proud that I did that, but it's the truth. And, you know on this podcast that I always tell you the truth. So, for those of you who may find yourself in that situation later on in life, as maybe that happens with you and your mom or your dad or whoever, can you remember what I just told you here? Can you remember, love them through anything and everything? Love them through anything and everything. Because then when they're gone, you won't have regrets. And that's one of my regrets, KT. So, Suze, what if you could? What would you say to your mom today? What do you want to say to her? Well, it's more than what I would want to say to her, because I would say, Mom, I love you. It would be, I wish I could do more than say more. I wish I could turn back the hands of time, KT, and be more patient. Really, that's that's what I really wish. But, you know, your mom was lucky enough to be able to stay at home with six kids, and my mom had to work. But the mom of the future now the mom of today is so very, very different. And you're a mom that has to work, has to take care of the kids, has to do so many things. So I really want to end this podcast with saying that you are a mother. You are taking care of children. You are probably taking care of your spouse and your parents and everybody because a mom and a woman usually takes care of everything. The dogs, the plants, everything. The one thing that I really need you now to take care of more than you have ever taken care of before. The one thing I need you now to nurture more than you have ever nurtured before is your money. I need you to be the mother of your money as well and nourish it, and take care of it, and get it to grow so that one day it can take care of you. We really are in unprecedented times, everybody, unprecedented times. And for you to make your time be as great as it can possibly be, you not only have to be a great mother to your children, you have to be a great mother to your money. KT and I wish you what? Happy Mother's Day! And to all of you, know that we love you so very, very much. Bye-bye. Bye now. In providing answers neither Suze Orman Media nor Suze Orman is acting as a Certified Financial Planner, advisor, a Certified Financial Analyst, an economist, CPA, accountant, or lawyer. 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