March 24, 2019
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What are your obstacles to wealth? What are the gatekeepers to wealth? In today’s episode, Suze tells the story of a woman she attempted to help.
So how happy am I that you are all loving the difference of our theme song from where we changed it from “we will survive” to “we will rise”. Love that. Getting so many emails about that. Who knew you hated the original version so much/ If you like that theme song, it's by Effie, Together We will Rise and it is on Spotify. Let's talk. I want to talk about two things today. The first thing I want to talk about is anger. And how anger is the main internal obstacle to wealth. And I want to talk about it in terms of an email that I got. As you know, if you want to ask a question, you can write into firstname.lastname@example.org and I personally, I do, nobody else does I do. I look at all of your emails and as you also know, I answer many of them directly or I'll call you or I'll get around to them and literally answer them on air. Or if I feel like I've already answered it, it's so similar, then I just thank you in my heart for sending it in knowing that if you listen to the podcast, you will absolutely find the answer. So now it is around March 17th of 2019. And this woman Julie, she writes in and asked, what rights do I have as a mother to my children's 529 college savings plan, I'm separated and getting a divorce. The checks were written to my children from my in-laws, and he's been controlling the fund the entire time. That was her question to me, and I wrote her back an answer as to what I thought she should do. She writes me back and says that you know I'm just wrong that my answer to her is absolutely wrong. I'm like, are you telling me that I just gave you a financial answer that is wrong? You Julie, you are telling me? And now I'm getting angry, I'm getting angry but I'm getting angry because of how she's speaking to me. I write her back. Suze Orman writes her back to help her because I want to be there for you. And now she is writing me back in the most insulting way, but I don't let it bother me. It's like, okay, okay, I get it. Your anger isn't really at me Julie. It is at your ex-husband. And the situation that you're in. So I write her back again, to clarify. To really clarify, I state everything about how 529 plans work. And what she needed to know. And she then again writes me back, and says, ridiculous answer. Totally confusing. I'm going to show my accountant this answer. This is wrong. I'm like okay, no problem. And I again write her back. What a fool was I. Like, you know, I just don't want to give up on you. I wanted to say no, no, no, I know what I'm talking about. I promise you, I know what I'm talking about. So I write her back again with the correction of what she needs to understand. But at the end of what I write her, I tell her, do me a favor. Show everyone you want and hopefully you'll find the answers you want. And she writes me back again. And says, I most certainly will. Your answers are bogus and not clear. I'll get the answers that are correct from someone who understands finance and can explain. That's what this email was intended for. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? And so I'm like, I am never answering this woman again. I am not going to correspond with her again. Why would I do that when I know that I am 100% correct, and she does not have a clue about what she's talking about. And then just last night, at approximately 10 pm, I get another email from her that says I just read up on 529 college plans. I want to apologize to you for my comments on this topic. Okay, so now she's apologized to me, but guess what? It is too late. I will never answer her question again. Whatever happens in her life is going to have to happen in her life. But I was there for her. I was absolutely there for her. But no, but no. Because of her anger. I mean I would have worked with this woman to figure something out. She would have been a woman that I would have called to make sure that her kids were okay and things that she possibly could have done because I had other suggestions for her. But no, she had to come at me as if Suze Orman didn't know what she was talking about. Listen. When I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't talk about it. I do not have a problem saying, I don't know but I will find out. Finance can be complex. Maybe just maybe there is an area that I'm not exactly sure of or maybe I do say something where, oh yeah the laws have changed. Oh you're right. I didn't think about that. I'm open to that. I'm open. But I am not open when somebody tells me that it is bogus, that I am wrong, that she's gonna go to her accountant. Like her accountant with no more than me about a topic that I'm one of the nation's experts on? Are you kidding me? And now her lack of respect for me makes me angry. But I'm not gonna stay angry. It makes me angry at her loss of opportunity of what she could have had. And then it makes me think, is her anger one of the reasons that maybe she is not staying married? That her anger got in the way of her own relationship? I don't know the answer to that, but I do know this. That anger, anger is the main internal obstacle to wealth. There are three emotions that are the internal obstacles to wealth. And those emotions are fear, shame and anger. But if I had to rate all of them or rank them, anger, anger would be the number one internal obstacle to wealth. When you are angry. That is when you say something and you regret it. That is when you do something, and you regret it. That is when you feel something and in the end, you will regret it. How many of you called into the Suze Orman show, and you went out and you bought things, you sold things, you did things out of anger, and you regretted it? So I ask you that before you ever take any actions, before you take any actions, and this is the second thing I want to talk to you about today, is how do you silence that anger, so before you do anything, everything you think, say, or do has got to pass through three gatekeepers. And those three gatekeepers are, is it kind, is it necessary, is it true? What Julie did when she came back at me with those angry answers, was it kind? No way. Was it necessary? Absolutely not. And was it true? No way again. But yet she did it. So is it kind, is it necessary, and is it true? And if it doesn't pass through all three of those gatekeepers, you just don't do it. You know, years ago, I was talking to a very wise woman who is older than me, and she's probably now in her mid-seventies. And she said to me something that I will never forget. She said to me, you know the great thing Suze about getting older, you learn that you don't have to do something about everything right away. You can take your time, and you can think about it. And I thought to myself at the time, why do I have to get older to learn that lesson? Why can't I learn it right now? Because your mistakes, my mistakes are made in haste. They're made when we just get frantic and we have to do something, and we have to just respond. No. You are to sit quietly, and you are to ask yourself this question. Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true? Those are the three gatekeepers of your life. And they are probably the most important gates that you will ever walk through. Because if you can live a life that has thought to it, that has kindness to it, that has truth to it, and you take actions that are necessary, then you start to live a wealthy life. Because again, many of the things that you waste money on, you waste money on them because when you feel less than, I've said this before, when you feel less than you spend more than. And then you have debt. Look at all the items in your closet, in your garages, in your addicts, in your drawers, in your makeup kits, and ask yourself this question. Why did I buy this if I never use it? So all the items, look at all the items you don't use, or you have not used in six months to one year. And ask yourself the question, if you can remember it, why did I buy this when I bought it? Was I afraid that it was on sale and it won't be on sale next time that I go to buy it? You purchase something out of fear if you did that. Did I buy this because I just had a fight with somebody, so I went out and I purchased something just to make myself feel better? If you did, you purchased it out of anger. Or did I buy this because I needed to go to a party or I needed to go to a wedding and I didn't have anything to wear, and I was ashamed to show up again in the same outfit that I've been wearing for the past two or three times? And if you did, you purchased it out of shame. Now here's what you need to understand. Why don't you use those items? Why are they just sitting there for six months or a year? You bought them, why aren't you using them or why didn't you use them more than once? I will tell you. Because every time you go near them, you go to put it on, you go to use it or whatever, you are reminded unconsciously in my opinion of the emotion you were feeling when you purchased it. And that emotion repels you from that item. So you don't use it again. Look at your shoes, look at your clothes, look at all the items in your home. So bottom line of today's podcast is the lesson of the three gatekeepers, and anger. Anger is the main internal obstacle to wealth. Live your life an honest woman. A woman who has courage to say, think and do things that are kind, necessary, and true. Uplift this world. Don't be angry at others for a situation that you probably put yourself into. Learn from Julie, because you never know by your own anger what you are destroying in your present day life, versus what you had created in your past life. You just never know. The goal of the Women & Money podcast is to be strong, to be smart, and to be secure. If you like this podcast, go to Apple podcast and rate it, give it a star rating. Tell everybody that you know about it. Because this is the podcast that will enhance your life so that you can be the strong, powerful women you were born to be.
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