Podcast Episode - There Is No Shame or Blame Big Enough

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There is no shame or blame big enough to keep you from being who you are meant to be. Very powerful words, and in this episode of Women and Money, Suze talks about how you can start over after being out of work for many years.

Podcast Transcript:

June 16, 2019. Here we go with another Women & Money podcast. First I just want to say, I hope you all enjoyed my birthday gift to all of you, where you were able to for a few days go to amazon.com and download for free the e-book edition of my kids book, the Adventures of Billy and Penny. Next, thank you for all the birthday wishes. I had the most incredible time ever in Las Vegas. I know, Las Vegas. Anyway, seeing Lady Gaga's concert was over the top great. But for me, what was really special was joining up again with friends of mine that I haven't seen in so long and just being together, it makes me always know that the most important thing in life is not money, it is really the people who support us from the inside out, which is what my friends do. And of course KT, you know what KT is always saying to me, Suze, let me be on the Women & Money podcast. Let's do a podcast together. And I always say, what would you say if you're on this podcast? So if all of you would like to hear from KT and me, send that comment in to asksuzepodcast@gmail.com. That is by the way where you send in your questions. If you want me to possibly pick one and answer it on this podcast. In going over those questions which I do personally, every single one of them, there is a trend and I really want to address that on today's podcast. And here is the trend that is happening. Many women are writing in who are in their 50s, 60s and 70s. And I have to tell you, I am so honored that you are doing so. And while I love the fact that there are 20-year-olds, 23-year-olds, 25-year-olds, young ones listening, and at 68 now I can call you young ones. Please don't take offense at that. But that, there are young ones writing in. I'm loving that the women who are getting older are finding this podcast, you know, again, and I've said this recently. There aren't many things out there that are for all of us as we get older. And what is so wonderful is bringing together women of all ages, so the young ones can learn from the old ones, the old ones can learn from the young ones, and that is a true community of women. And what I want this podcast to be is a place that all of you can bring your money home to. A place that you, and what you've created, can find a home. To be one with yourselves and one with other women, and the men smart enough to listen, so that all of us can find true wealth. And when I say true wealth, the definition of true wealth is that which can never diminish. Never forget that money can come, and money can go. But what you have inside when it's solid, it is there forever. The trend, let me get back to the trend for. I digress there. You are writing in, and you have such shame over the fact that the relationship that you are in with your spouse, usually your husband, has not worked out. You are 50, 60, 70, and you are finding yourself having to start over again. I have talked about this many times on this podcast, but besides just having questions about money, the truth of the matter is, you don't really care that much about the money. You are so ashamed that this has happened to you, and you don't know how to go back to work and make money again. Which many of you need to do because you haven't worked in years, you are older now. What are you going to do? What are you going to say to people? And so the question has been, Suze, how do I even start over? How do I start making money? How do I explain to somebody that I'm really older than that and that I really don't know what I really want to do, but I know I have talents, but are they wanted anymore? All right, you listen to me, and you listen to me right here and right now. There is no shame or blame big enough to keep you from being who you are meant to be. You cannot look at what has happened to you as your fault. You created this, you were not a victim to your circumstances ladies. On some level, you knew what was going on. And I'm not saying that you created them, but don't be a victim to them because when you feel like you are a victim, you feel powerless. And when you are powerless, other people can feel it. And how do you expect somebody to want to hire you or give you a try if you feel powerless? What will make you feel more powerful in this particular situation? And for those of you who are younger and you aren't in this situation, the women that I am talking to right now, they used to be younger. They used to be where you possibly are right now. They never thought that anything would happen to the relationship that they were in and so they weren't quite as powerful with their money as they needed to be. They were thinking that they would be taken care of that. They didn't need to get involved, that they didn't need to have their own accounts, that they didn't need certain things to keep themselves secure. So you listen closely to what I'm saying right now, because you might just one day end up in this situation. Remember, you always plan for the worst, but you hope for the best. But you have got to know that you are secure, not only today, not only tomorrow, the next week, the next two years, that you are secure for the rest of your life, and every action that you take, needs to be an action that make sure that future becomes a reality. But those of you who are finding yourself in this situation where you need to start over, you're older, you have all this shame, all this blame. You don't know what to do. You simply approach it with the truth. The other day, I was watching the Tony awards, and there was a woman who came on, and she said something that rang so true to me. And what she said was this. The greatest thing a woman can do is tell the truth about her own life. Oh my God. I was like, yes, yes, yes, that's it. That's it. And I have in my own way, been saying that to you forever and a day now. When you sit down with somebody, don't be ashamed to tell them the truth about why you need this job, why you want this job. That you have these skills to offer, that you're in this situation and you will give it everything that you have. And the reason that you haven't worked for X amount of years or whatever it may be, just tell them the truth about your situation. When you are ashamed of what has happened to you, what that says is you are ashamed of who you are. And there's no reason for you to be ashamed about anything that has happened in your life. All right, it happened. Now move on. Get the strength to stand in your truth, and tell the story of your life by being honest about your life. Next. I know you need to make money, but you need to start somewhere. So here is the rule. You are to make those that you are dependent upon a paycheck for dependent upon you. Do not go into a new job wanting X amount of money. Go into a new job absolutely proving to them how much they need you. I have seen this happen over, and over again, with members of my own family. There are members in my family that needed a job and you're probably thinking why would anybody in your family, Suze, need a job? Why aren't you just helping them? Because when you help somebody with money doesn't mean that you help them with your life, how many times do I have to tell you? You can never solve a financial problem with money. The goal of life isn't to accumulate a huge sum of money. The goal of life is for you to know who you are, and to love who you are. And to know your self-worth, and to know your own value. When somebody else gives you value, because they solve your financial problems with money, are they giving you money, but taking away your own self-worth? Taking away your chance to show yourself what you're made out of? So in my own family, when others need money, I do not rise to the occasion and stifle their potential by giving them money. I give them encouragement, I give them strong words. I tell them how much faith I have in them, and I help them force themselves into becoming more then they had any idea that was ever possible. Money does not solve a problem. And you have to understand that. So don't look for finances to solve inner wealth. It won't happen. When you solve your own inner wealth and the value of who you are, your financial problems will go away. But you approach it the other way. So when you're out there and you are starting all over again, what you need to do is not care about what somebody is going to pay you. Even though I know you have to pay your bills. Care about that you can go into a field where you want to be, where you can feel like you are a value, not only to others, but to yourself. And that you prove yourself to these people, you make them dependent upon you, and once they are dependent upon you and they see your value, oh you will get the pay raises and the job promotions that you deserve. Now I know very well that we have a wage inequality. I get that. I've experienced that. But do not let that be an excuse. Because I am also here to tell you when you own your own power, when you know who you are, you can crash through any financial barrier that is in front of you. But you have to be strong enough to be able to do so. But to be strong enough to just even start. To have faith in yourself, where you look at what is possible in the future, not what happened in your past. Do not spend one more day looking at what you had, there is a law of money. Look at what you have, not at what you had. Sure you can go on, and you can look at your past and go, I had a great house. I had all this money, I had these retirement accounts, I had this, but you know what else you had? You had a seriously crappy relationship. Let me just tell you like it is, I know you think it was great. You wanted to believe that it was great, but you will not be in the situation that you are in right now, if it was truly great. Because on some level, and I know this is gonna sound harsh to you, but on some level you were living a lie, or it would not have ended up the way that it is for you right now. Because the truth is not only the truth of what is going on, that's good, but the truth is recognizing your own feelings, that something isn't quite right. What drives me absolutely bats, and I recently just got an email like this. A woman writes in, she tells me about how her husband has physically abused her, has hit her, and three times she had to call the police. And three times she ends up in court with him. And three times while she's at court, she decides, oh, he's really not so bad. It's okay. She writes in to me and says, he's financially abusive to me, and he never tells me the truth. He lies to me. He keeps everything a secret. Suze, tell me what I should do. I write her back and I tell her exactly. You need to leave. What are you talking about? And I asked her, I go, would you if you had to redo this all over again, would you marry him again? Because that is the question. If you are in a relationship. That is the question that you have got to ask and answer if you are thinking about leaving. Because again, you are writing me, and asking me should you leave this relationship? And I am writing you back saying you already know the answer to that question. But let me just make it clear, if you could turn back the hands of time, would you marry him again? And you write me back and you say no. I know the answer to the question, and I know what I need to do. But not this one woman, who recently wrote me and she said yes, I love him. I would marry him again. And I'm thinking to myself, are you crazy? He's battered you, he lies to you, he keeps secrets from you. And yet, you would do this again? And I write her back and I go, can you just tell me what it is that you love about him? What is it that you like about him? Because in life, like is far harder to do than love. We always give our love so freely. I love you, I love you, I love you. But do you like that person? Do you like them? Do you like your life? Do you like the reality of what's going on in your life? That's the question at hand. Like is always more important than love. Because love gets you, in my opinion, to do things that you would never ever, if you were logical about this, do. And she writes me back and she says, but Suze, I have a house and I have children. Please Suze tell me what you would do. I don't know what to do. Which is why we need and I'm doing this. You'll hear about it sooner than later. We need to create a community of women, where you women can tell that woman what you would do, just so you can help one another and support one another and say yeah, I was in that situation and here's what I did, or I'm in that situation and I don't know what to do. So I know I am rambling right now. I know I am emotional right now. And then I say to you, what else is new? I should be emotional. I'm emotional about this because I know. I know what every woman is capable of. I know the life that could be yours. If you just were willing. Willing to take the steps to value who you are, to stand in your truth and tell the world who you are. To not have any shame about what has happened to you, and to absolutely not blame yourself. So I go back to, what is the name of today's podcast? And the name of it is again, there is no shame, or blame big enough to keep you from being who you are meant to be. Can you think about that? Can you do something about it? And can you then take the steps to become the strong, smart and secure women that you were all born to be.

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