I am frequently asked how much is okay to spend on a wedding.
That’s the wrong question. What any couple, and their families should be asking is: Can we afford to spend money on a wedding?
And that comes down to some straightforward questions for anyone who is contemplating contributing to paying for a wedding:
If you answered no to any of those questions, you need to stand in your truth: You have no business spending money on a wedding.
And for those of you asking your parents to help, it is on your conscience to only accept their assistance if you know for a fact, that your parents are on pace with all their financial goals. It is not acceptable to just take them at their word that “they’ve got it.” Or that it is their “dream” to throw a big wedding. Or that “you shouldn’t worry about it.”
No. No. No. An expensive wedding is a want, not a need. And to spend money that you don’t have is just wrong. For young couples I want you to step back and think about what couples argue about most: Money. And you better believe money issues are often at the heart of divorces. So why would you want to start your life together spending money you don’t have, and thus short-changing your financial future?
And I know that there is no daughter (or son) who would ever knowingly let her (or his) parents shortchange their retirement security, or go into credit card debt, to pay for a wedding. The bottom line is that you need to step up and be an adult: do not accept any assistance from your family if you have any inkling it will hurt their security.
You can still have a fabulous wedding, full of love and meaning. Last I checked neither of those could be bought. They come from the heart. Whether it is a small wedding in your backyard, or living room, or renting a more simple space (that is not a budget buster), you and I both know there are so many ways you can create a memorable day for all, without having to spend money you don’t have.
And just think how fabulous you will feel to start your married life with no wedding-bill stress.