August 20, 2020
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On this podcast, Suze tells the story of a woman she attempted to help. You’ll hear what happens when fear and lack of respect run your decision-making process.
Suze Orman’s Women and Money podcast is proudly sponsored by credit unions; a safe home for your money, rain or shine. Suze O. here. Now, listen to me, everybody. While I am healing, Sarah and Robert are going to present the following “Best Of” episode of the Women and Money podcast, as well as the men smart enough to listen, and briefly explain why they chose it for you to hear. So, everybody, enjoy the “Best Of” podcast. See you soon. Hi everyone, it's Sarah, and this is Robert, and today is August 20, 2020. Well, well, well, Robert, we have some very amazing news today. Is that you clapping, that's funny. It is! If you are in the Women and Money Community, you may already know this, but Suze, this week, started interacting live again herself, making comments, reconnecting with everyone, and not doing it just through me. Because, you know, if you've been part of the Community, you will have seen that I'll sometimes post and say, hey, you know, at Sarah here for Suze. But, now it's Suze back connecting and chatting. She's really regained a lot of strength in her hands, so, a very exciting new development. So, if you remember, look out for her posts. And if you're not and you want to join us, you can head to the Apple App Store or Google Play and search for Suze Orman to download the free Women and Money Community app. One more very fun thing that's happening. Robert, did you know this? That Suze will be in People Magazine that's coming out this coming week. So, I want everyone to look for it because we're really excited, we think it's going to be a great article. OK then Robert, so what do we have cued up for today in our next edition of Best Of? Well, Sarah, I was out for a walk the other day, and as I passed by this house, I saw a couple standing on their porch in a very animated and heated discussion. I didn't want to gawk, but I'm pretty sure the entire neighborhood could hear them if I could hear them, you know, 15 feet away. And what I heard was that they were lamenting that they had run out of room for their stuff, and they were arguing about whether to spend money on a storage unit. And then one of them mentioned, well, we shouldn't buy so much stuff, and we shouldn't take advice from people who tell us we need all these gadgets. Uh, I think I know where you're going, Robert. Classic Suze insights. Let me guess, before you do or say anything, you have to pass through three gatekeepers. Is it kind? Is it necessary? And is it true? Um, and maybe the other one that the three emotions that are obstacles to wealth are fear, shame, and anger. Is this where you're headed maybe? Exactly, Sarah, it is precisely where I'm headed. When I heard this exchange, it completely reminded me of the episode that we released on March 24th, 2019, called The Gatekeepers of Wealth because they were basically arguing about the main themes within this episode. I think sometimes that those types of moments, as we're deciding on these Best Of episodes, it's like total serendipity, like we must release this episode. Well, I mean, you know, if you think back to what Suze said about her prep for when she prepares for the podcast or when she prepares, you know, to do a speech. When we talked about the Apollo episode a few weeks ago, she doesn't do, I mean, she has a lifetime's worth of preparation done, but she doesn't know when she sits down, the words are not written, you know, there's no script, and that's the universe sort of talking through her. And I believe that that is what's happening in these cases as well. That's totally true. So, why don't you go ahead and roll the tape? Let's talk. I want to talk about two things today. The first thing I want to talk about is anger, and how anger is the main internal obstacle to wealth. And I want to talk about it in terms of an email that I got. So now it is around March 17th of 2019, and this woman Julie, she writes in and asks what rights do I have as a mother to my children's 529 college savings plan? I'm separated and getting a divorce. The checks were written to my children from my in-laws and he's been controlling the fund the entire time. That was her question to me, and I wrote her back an answer as to what I thought she should do. She writes me back and says that, you know, I'm just wrong, that my answer to her is absolutely wrong. I'm like, are you telling me that I just gave you a financial answer that is wrong? You Julie, you, you are telling me, and now I'm getting angry. I'm getting angry, but I'm getting angry because of how she's speaking to me. I write her back. Suze Orman writes her back to help her because I want to be there for you. And now, she is writing me back in the most insulting way, but I don't let it bother me. It's like, OK, OK, I get it. Your anger isn't really at me Julie, it is at your ex-husband and the situation that you're in. So, I write her back again to clarify, to really clarify, I state everything about how 529 plans work and what she needed to know. And she then again writes me back and says, ridiculous answer, totally confusing, I'm going to show my accountant this answer, this is wrong. I'm like OK, no problem. And I again write her back. What a fool was I? Like, you know, I just don't want to give up on you. I wanted to say no, no, no, I know what I'm talking about, I promise you I know what I'm talking about. So, I write her back again, with the correction of what she needs to understand. But at the end of what I write to her I tell her, do me a favor, show everyone you want and hopefully, you'll find the answers you want. And she writes me back again and says, I most certainly will. Your answers are bogus and not clear. I'll get the answers that are correct from someone who understands finance and can explain, that's what this email was intended for. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? And so, I'm like, I am never answering this woman again. I am not going to correspond with her again. Why would I do that when I know that I am 100% correct and she does not have a clue about what she's talking about? And then, just last night at approximately 10 p.m., I get another email from her that says I just read up on 529 college plans. I want to apologize to you for my comments on this topic. OK, so now she's apologized to me, but guess what, it is too late. I will never answer her question again. Whatever happens in her life is going to have to happen in her life. But I was there for her. I was absolutely there for her. But no, but no, because of her anger, I mean I would have worked with this woman to figure something out. She would have been a woman that I would have called to make sure that her kids were OK, and things that she possibly could have done, because I had other suggestions for her. But no, she had to come at me as if Suze Orman didn't know what she was talking about. Listen, when I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't talk about it. I do not have a problem saying I don't know, but I will find out. Finance can be complex. Maybe, just maybe, there is an area that I'm not exactly sure of. Or maybe I do say something where, oh yeah, the laws of change, oh you’re right. I didn't think about that. I'm open to that, I'm open. But I am not open when somebody tells me that it is bogus, that I am wrong, that she's going to go to her accountant, like her accountant would know more than me about a topic that I'm one of the nation's experts on. Are you kidding me? And now, her lack of respect for me makes me angry, but I'm not going to stay angry. It makes me angry at her loss of opportunity of what she could have had. And then it makes me think, is her anger one of the reasons that maybe she is not staying married; that her anger got in the way of her own relationship. I don't know the answer to that, but I do know this: That anger, anger is the main internal obstacle to wealth. There are three emotions that are the internal obstacles to wealth, and those emotions are fear, shame, and anger. But if I had to rate all of them, or rank them, anger would be the number-one internal obstacle to wealth. When you are angry, that is when you say something and you regret it. That is when you do something and you regret it. That is when you feel something and, in the end, you will regret it. How many of you called into the Suze Orman Show, and you went out and you bought things, you sold things, you did things out of anger? And you regretted it. So, I ask you that before you ever take any actions, before you take any actions. And this is the second thing I want to talk to you about today, is how do you silence that anger? So, before you do anything, everything you think, say, or do, has got to pass through three gatekeepers. And those three gatekeepers are: Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true? What Julie did, when she came back at me with those angry answers, was it kind? No way. Was it necessary? Absolutely not. And was it true? No way again. But yet she did it. So, is it kind? Is it necessary? And is it true? And if it doesn't pass through all three of those gatekeepers, you just don't do it. You know, years ago, I was talking to a very wise woman who is older than me, and she's probably now in her mid-70s, and she said to me something that I will never forget. She said to me, you know the great thing Suze about getting older? You learn that you don't have to do something about everything right away. You can take your time and you can think about it. And I thought to myself at the time, why do I have to get older to learn that lesson? Why can't I learn it right now? Because your mistakes, my mistakes, are made in haste. They're made when we just get frantic, and we have to do something, and we have to just respond. No, you are to sit quietly, and you are to ask yourself this question: IS IT KIND? IS IT NECESSARY? IS IT TRUE? Those, are the three gatekeepers of your life, and they are probably the most important gates that you will ever walk through. Because if you can live a life that has thought to it, that has kindness to it, that has truth to it, and you take actions that are necessary. Then you start to live a wealthy life, because again, many of the things that you waste money on, you waste money on them because when you feel less than, I've said this before, when you feel less than, you spend more than, and then you have debt. Look at all the items in your closet, in your garages, in your attics, in your drawers, in your makeup kits, and ask yourself this question. Why did I buy this if I never use it? So, all the items, look at all the items you don't use, or you have not used in six months to one year, and ask yourself the question if you can remember it. Why did I buy this when I bought it? Was I afraid that it was on sale and it wouldn't be on sale next time that I go to buy it? You purchase something out of fear if you did that. Did I buy this because I just had a fight with somebody? So, I went out and I purchased something just to make myself feel better? If you did, you purchased it out of anger. Or did I buy this because I needed to go to a party, or I needed to go to a wedding, and I didn't have anything to wear, and I was ashamed to show up again in the same outfit that I've been wearing for the past two or three times? And if you did, you purchased it out of shame. Now, here's what you need to understand. Why don't you use those items? Why are they just sitting there for six months or a year? You bought them, why aren't you using them? Or, why don't you use them more than once? I will tell you, because every time you go near them, you go to put it on, you go to use it, or whatever, you are reminded unconsciously, in my opinion, of the emotion you were feeling when you purchased it. And that emotion repels you from that item. So, you don't use it again. Look at your shoes, look at your clothes, look at all the items in your home. So, bottom line of today's podcast is the lesson of the three gatekeepers and anger. Anger is the main internal obstacle to wealth. Live your life an honest woman, a woman who has courage to say, think and do things that are kind, necessary, and true. Uplift this world. Don't be angry at others for a situation that you probably put yourself into. Learn from Julie, because you never know by your own anger, what you are destroying in your present-day-life versus what you had created in your past-life. You just never know. The goal of the Women and Money podcast is to be strong, to be smart, and to be secure. If you like this podcast, go to Apple Podcasts and rate it, give it a star rating. Tell everybody that you know about it, because this is the podcast that will enhance your life so that you can be the strong, powerful women you were born to be. Ah. Well, that was one that doesn't matter how many times I listen to it, I always learn something new. I think I need to pull my bank statements and see where maybe I can do a little paring down on a few things. Trimming, trimming the fat a little bit. What do you think? I'd do the same thing. I mean, you know, I've certainly learned to live leaner in terms of stuff over the last, you know, few years. And I've got to go tell you, I feel better, you know, emotionally and mentally, just that there's not so much stuff that's all around. So true, so true. So, thanks everybody for listening. Sarah and I will see you back here on Sunday. Hi, I'm Sarah, and I'm Robert, and we're from Suze Orman's Women and Money podcast team here to tell you that Alloya's member credit unions are so proud to have brought you this episode. You know, Robert, credit unions live by people helping people philosophy. Absolutely, Sarah. And that means when you bank with a credit union, you can trust that they have your best interest at heart. The fact is, regardless of circumstance, a credit union will have your back and keep your money safe, that's the credit union promise. Go to www.MyCreditUnion.gov to find a credit union that fits your needs. That's MyCreditUnion.gov.
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