Financial Independence, Podcast, Relationships, Saving
June 30, 2019
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Where did your faith go? In this episode of Women & Money, Suze talks about the costs of losing faith in yourself, in your strength, and in your wisdom.
June 30, 2019. Email, after email, after email is coming in, and as you know, I am reading every one of your questions. And here's what I find. I have to say this, so sad. It's almost like I want to say to you, where did your faith go? It's as if you have given up, and you've given up, and the story is almost the same, over and over and over again. Yes, there are different locales, different ages. But the story goes like this. I spent my whole life loving him, I worked with him, we accumulated all this money, everything was great. I actually was making more money than him. I supported him. I made sure that all his dreams could come true. I raised the kids, I did everything, and now I'm alone. And I have to pay him alimony. I have to give him my retirement account. I have to give him all of these things. And here I am Suze, and I have maybe a few $1,000 to my name and I have to start over. And I don't even know how to do that. And I write you back, and I ask you, are you angry? Are you ashamed? Are you fearful? And you write me back and you say, of course I am. I'm so angry. I'm so angry that I wasted my life and now I'm living with my mother again. Can you even imagine that I had to move back into my home? Or, Suze I'm living a lie. Of course I'm angry. Do you know Suze that I can't even tell my parents that I'm going to be divorcing him because they are these devout Catholics and as you know, Suze, you cannot get divorced and I feel like I am disappointing them. So I don't even know what to do, Suze. I mean, I now have heard it all. But it all boils back to, that you are angry at yourself. You're ashamed that this has happened. You're fearful. And you don't know what to do. And you only focus on money. And then then, I always write you back this one question. And I've said this before, and I'm gonna say it again. And the question is a very simple one. If you could turn back the hands of time, would you marry him again? And most of the times you say no. Or I have to think about it. Or yes, I love him. And I've gone through all this. This is a podcast that I've done before. But I obviously need to do it again. You have to have faith. You have to have faith that everything happens for the best. Yes, everything happens for the best. Even if you lost all your money, you feel like you're wasted 35 years, whatever it may be, you have to have faith. Where did your faith go? Because if you don't have faith that everything happens for the best, you are going to spend the rest of your lives being angry, being afraid, being shameful, that you didn't know better. That you should have been a wise woman, and you should have recognized the signs. And you knew it all along. But yet you didn't want to pay attention because you're a woman, and a woman, you just always take it and you just suffer and you do all of these things. No you don't. Not anymore. And if you are listening to this podcast and you are 20, 25, and 30, you better be listening to me right now. You better be learning from the women who are 50, 55, 60, 75 and 80 and are writing in. And are feeling like they have wasted their lives. Don't you do that to yourselves. Don't you do that. Not on my watch. So you have to have faith. And the name of today's podcast is Have Faith: Everything Happens For The Best. I have said this to you before, and I am going to say it again, and again, and again. This is not an easy concept to understand. And the concept is, that money, money will teach you more about yourself faster than anything else in this world. I find it fascinating that all the emails that are coming in are focusing on how much money you lost and how you have to start over again. I don't think I've had one that says I lost the love of my life. Suze, I don't know what to do. My heart is broken because I loved him or her so much. Oh no, that's not what you are saying to me. You're talking to me about money. And here's what I want you to do from this point on. Whenever you write, and maybe you're angry, maybe your whatever. I want you to write a letter to yourself about, what are you angry about? What are you ashamed about? What are you afraid about? I want you to write that letter to yourself, and then everywhere that you put the word money, I want you to substitute it with the word life. My life. Suze, I'm afraid I'm not going to have money. Suze, I'm afraid I'm not going to have my life. I'm not gonna know who I am. Money. Money. Money. I know this show is called Women & Money, but it's using money to teach you about how strong you can be. You just don't even know it. You give up. You just give up. And why do you give up? Where is your fight? Where is your drive? If you saw your child drowning, if you saw your child about to be hit by a car, if you saw anybody about to hurt your child, this rage would come up in you, and you would do anything and everything to save your child. But when it comes to you and your life, you just give up. You just stay angry. You just stay afraid. You just stay ashamed. You don't want to fight anymore to get your life back. And then you look at me, and you think, oh well, Suze has always had a great life. Suze never had a fight to get her life back. What do you know about me? Do you have any idea? Really? Of course I had a fight to get my life back. Why do you think that I can talk to you with such passion? Because I've done the exact same thing as you. You think every relationship that I've had was a good relationship? How many times again do I have to tell you that I did not have a good relationship until I was 50 years of age. Until I met KT. What makes you think that I've never lost money, and I've never had to suffer for money. Are you kidding me? In 1987, oen of my employees ripped me off and it was Blah Blah Blah and I can go on, and on. But there was a point there that I had a quarter million dollars of debt and I didn't have any money to my name. I had to move out of this fancy office that I had, because I couldn't afford to pay the rent. But I didn't give up. And why didn't I give up? I didn't give up because I had faith that everything happens for the best. If something is happening in your life, I want you rather than to fight it, I want you to surrender to it. I want you to look at it, and think, are these things happening to me because they are a true blessing in disguise? I know I'm going to court all the time. I know I'm spending all of my money on legal fees. I know that everything that's happening, I'm losing my house. I don't have anything. I know all that. And Suze, you're saying to me, you want me to think that's a blessing? Can you tell me what your other choices are? Oh, I'll tell you, your other choice is for you to stay angry. For you to be sad. For you to be ashamed, for you to be afraid. And when you have those emotions, you then have rendered yourself powerless. And when you are powerless, you repel people. Nobody wants to be around a powerless person. And since people control money, people give you a pay raise, people give you a job promotion. When you are powerless, you repel people. Since people control money, you repel money from you! And you're wondering, what am I gonna do? I need to make money. Well what you're gonna do, is you are going to have faith that everything happens for the best and to see everything as a blessing. You know, sometimes I got to a point in my life when things were really bad, and I would say, okay God, I know that you are testing me. You're testing me. And you want to see, am I going to lose my faith? And the answer to that is, I'm not going to lose my faith. Because I have faith in who I am. And I have faith in my ability. And I have faith that if I'm going through something, it's because I need to learn the lesson that I am being taught so that I can be a stronger woman. So I can really experience what true happiness is. You know, one of my greatest tests that I recently just passed was the fact that there was a magazine, a pretty major magazine, that wrote a pretty horrific article about me. Now normally, years ago when I would read articles about me that were lies, and they were wrong, and people were just coming after me because you know, people love to build you up, and as soon as you've really hit it big, they love to rip you down. And what really hurt me about this one magazine, or it normally would have hurt me, was it was written by a woman. And I always think to myself, why do women want to attack other women? Why do they want to tear them down? You can never step up, if you're stepping down on somebody. But yet, that's what this person did. And want to hear what's so great about it? Not only did I not read more than three words of it, I honest to God did not care. Because I know who I am, and I know what I do. And, that's the point in life that you want to get to. Where no matter what happens, and I know that was a very minor example as to what many of you are going through, but you want to get to the point in your life, that no matter what happens, you look at it as a gift from God. You look at it as a blessing. Remember, I was sitting on the Oprah Winfrey show, very first time I met her. And she said to me, Suze Orman, what is the key to life? And I said, when you can be as happy in your sadness as you are in your happiness, then, you know the key to life. And it was in that one line, that I know touched Oprah's heart. And she just looked at me and was like, oh, we're going to have to do another show on you. What other choice do you have? Can you tell me that? What other choice? And again, I do realize how painful a divorce can be. I'll never forget the time that somebody came up, and it was a man. He was on a little scooter, a little um not even a wheelchair, like one of these scooters that he was on and he would push himself with his hands, because both of his legs were gone. And I said to him, how did you lose your legs? And he said, oh I used to be a mechanic, and I was working under a car, and the car fell on me and cut off both my legs. And I said to him, oh my God, that must have hurt. And you know what he said to me? He said not as much as when my wife divorced me. Yeah. So I get it. I've gone through it. You've gone through it. But you have got to have faith, that everything happens for the best. So I am telling you this, because stop writing emails where you have given up. Stop doing that to yourself. It's okay if you want to write me, I just write you back and I tell you what obviously you need to hear. But I don't even want you to be at that point where you have to write an email because you have given up. You can't give up on yourself. You can't give up on your children. You can't give up on the gifts that God is bestowing upon you now. This is not about a religious program here. It's about you have to have faith in something, you have to otherwise how do you get through life? How do you do that with all the crazy things that can happen? But the main lesson I want you to understand, is that you cannot predict what the future can hold for you. You are never to forget that I did not write my first book till I was 45 years of age. And many of you are writing me in your 30s even, and you think your life is all over. You're never going to get out of credit card debt. And you've just given up. Why have you given up? Why would you give up on yourself? The goal of this podcast is to help make you strong. Strong! So you can face anything that comes your way. Smart, so that you know how to handle it. And secure, so that you make the right moves, not just with your money, but with your life. And if you have given up on who you are, you will never ever have the riches of life that are waiting to come your way. So the podcast today, is a very simple one. It's my wish for all of you, that you have faith, and that you know everything happens for the best.
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