May 09, 2019
I want to wish all of the mommas out there a happy Mother’s Day.
Whether you are changing diapers, adjusting to an empty nest, or finding a pleasant rhythm to how you are spending your retirement, I want to make sure you are giving yourself everything you deserve, every day of the year.
Ask for more from those you love. Mother’s Day is so interesting. It seems to end up being the one day that your family steps up and doesn’t expect you to do anything for them. They make the breakfast in bed for you, or there’s a nice brunch out, maybe a fun family outing. That’s all great. But I seriously want you to consider if you enable your family (and friends) to expect so much of you—too much of you -- the other days of the year.
I am not asking you to do less, I am asking you to look for ways in which your loved ones can step up and take some of your too-heavy load off you. Maybe that’s one or two new chores for the kids. Or asking a partner to take on a task that you really hate to do. Just one. This is not an act of selfishness. Giving yourself a little more breathing room gives you the energy to be the best Mom. That’s a huge win for the entire family.
Be kinder to yourself. There seems to be nothing that you won’t do for your family and friends. And those of you working outside the home are likely going above and beyond at your job. I know your intentions are fantastic, but I need you to see how your generosity may be costing you so much. Too much! You are often exhausted, or frustrated, or consumed with worry about how you will get it all done, for everyone else.
What about you?
I ask you to slow down and before you take on another task, or commit to another responsibility, or make someone else’s life easier, ask yourself what it will require of you. The best way to do this is to use the Three Gatekeeper questions: Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true? I want you to ask those questions of yourself. Will doing something be kind to you, or deplete you emotionally, physically or financially? Is it necessary for you to do this? Is doing something going to be an act of standing in your truth, or falling into a hole?
Again, this is not an exercise to make your life easier. It is about making your life richer. When you do not put yourself on sale, when you value who you are, you become a stronger, happier and more capable woman. That is the energy that will make it possible for you to be an even better mother, partner and friend.
Celebrate your power. One of the things I admire most when I am around young women is that they don’t think twice about speaking up for what they know they deserve. I want every woman of every age to know they have every right to expect more, ask more, and demand more. But if you don’t set high expectations for yourself, communicate your wishes and hold others accountable when they do not respect you, then you are not being powerful. This not only diminishes you emotionally, it also has a financial cost. Power attracts money, powerlessness repels money. Own your power. It’s the mother of all achievements. You will be so glad when you do this!