December 01, 2019
Listen to Podcast Episode:
In this podcast, Suze responds to an email from Women & Money listener, “M,” who appears to have everything going the right way in her life and yet she still feels lost.
Today's podcast is dedicated to an email that I got, an email where the subject was, "Where is My Mentor?" It almost seems that women, in particular, are looking for somebody that they can mentor, that they want to have another woman or another person teach them what they need to know about life. Where are their answers that they can find when they're unhappy? And they look outside to find those answers. So I'm going to answer that question the way that I would answer it, but I just first want you to sit back, sit back and listen to the words of this email. Again, I can relate to them. I can relate to what this woman is going through because there was a period in my life when I so was going through what she is going through now.She says, dear Suze, I just found your podcast about a month ago, and I've been listening nonstop since then. I really don't know where to begin. There are so many things that resonate true for me that, quite frankly, I'm at a loss and feel completely overwhelmed as to where I should begin. I always feel bad when I hear you say some people's emails are pages and pages long. So I've been racking my brain as to how to get some of my feelings down on paper without taking too much of your time, but also have my email makes sense. Here goes. I could quite possibly be the saddest I've ever been in my life. That makes me feel ashamed because I know how fortunate I am, especially hearing some of the troubles my fellow sisters are going through. I'm stuck. When you say that anger is a huge block to wealth, it makes me wonder, is that it? Am I angry? No, no, no, I know better than that. Let it go, anger is bad, you are bad. Or heaven forbid, is it envy? Please, God, no, I don't want to be. If you're envious, that means you're garbage, and it's no wonder no one loves you. You attract what is deep in your subconscious, I know this, these thoughts, these words, I know them. I want to be happy, I want to be effervescent, and I am, Suze, I swear. Effervescence is my superpower. When I'm feeling good, I literally glow and there's nothing that can stop me. I'm my own worst enemy. Help.I am a youthful, gorgeous, confident, relaxed woman who is powerful and successful, generating an additional $5000 a month at least. That's my mission statement I made up because of you. I'm 53, divorced, making $72,000 a year, I've been at my job for 24 years. I have a pension, $300,000 in retirement funds, I own my beautiful home that I've lived in for 25 years. The home is worth around $500,000. I have an eight-month emergency fund, savings accounts, money in my Roth IRA, no debt. And guess what? I'm petrified, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm worried, and as I said earlier, I'm stuck Suze. By the way, massive tears are streaming down my face as I write these words. I try to do everything as best I can. Always a good woman, friend, daughter, sister, wife, girlfriend, aunt, worker, and have been doing so for years. But now suddenly, I feel like I'm being left behind like I haven't done enough. Everyone is doing better than me. I rise at 4 a.m., I ride my bicycle to work every day, I make pretend I'm in Ireland. I'm at the office by 7:30, I have a beautiful, healthy breakfast and lunch at my desk, which I bring with me every single day. I might spend $1, maybe not, an entire week. I work in a homicide unit, and unfortunately, it's very busy. My heart breaks hourly. I practice yoga at lunch every day so I can come back mentally and spiritually cleansed so I can begin again. I ride home, I make dinner. I rarely, if ever, go out to eat. I'm in bed by 9:00 or so, sleep a solid seven and a half to eight hours a night. I've looked forward to aging since I was a kid. I knew instinctively each move, whether it was spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, every little thing matters because if you don't say, for example, take care of yourself, your older years are going to be hell.I've always known that life is tricky and you must pay attention or you'll be sorry. I've been working and working, trying to be a good girl. I've shared my wisdom, knowledge, mistakes, truth with everyone that wanted to know. If people wanted to know how I do something, I tell them, I don't keep it a secret. They want to know how I do it, I tell them, I'm not selfish, I swear, but I'm feeling terribly alone now. Where is my mentor? Where is my woman whose path I can follow for a while? I need guidance and love right now so bad that it worries me because I really don't know how I can imagine to get myself out of this slump. I've been trying for a while now, and I'm not feeling my power. I'm so afraid, that was not in my plan. My plan was to have life really begin at 50. Not to be some neurotic, insecure mess. Please, Suze, answer me. Love M.Which is the first initial of this woman's name. M, I can so relate, I can't even tell you. I remember thinking that I had everything together. I was making money, I was taking care of myself, I looked good, I ate good, I did everything just like you said. I helped people, and yet here I was in my 40s, having a lot of money, having this, having that, and I was so alone. And then I was 50, I was thinking, Suze Orman, you cannot enter your 50s being so miserable. You cannot enter your 50s living a lie. I can remember thinking, somebody's got to help me. Where do I go? Who can I get answers to? Just like you did, M. And I would go to psychics, I would go to astrologers, I would go to anybody that I could find to be my mentor, to give me the answers that I myself did not know. And here's what happened. As I was getting older, I really started to realize, especially because I was so unhappy, even if I was in relationships, they were all, in my opinion, horrific relationships. They were all on some level with women who I don't even know why I was with any of them. It just blows my mind that powerful Suze Orman chose women before I was with KT that were like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Not that they weren't good people, but they weren't good to me. I always chose somebody who really never wanted to be with me. Why they were with me, I'll never know, really, but they were, but they never wanted to be.And so, what was I going to do? Where should I go? And I'll never forget that I want to see this one psychic. And she said to me, Suze, there is a place in Oakland and I would like you to go, to and go in there and there will be a bookstore. And in that bookstore, choose any book but you should read it for 30 minutes a night before you go to bed. And I'm like, really? OK. So, I end up going to this bookstore and I get a book called, Where You Going?, and I read it. And somehow, that's when my life really started to change. It started to change because I realized I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't know who I was going with. And here was the clincher. I really also didn't even know my own thoughts. I always asked others what did they think, what would they do? Because I never had enough belief in myself to just do what I thought or I wanted to do. Even though everything I was doing was healthy. I was exercising as I said, I was eating great, I looked great, I was making a lot of money. I was doing everything, but I felt empty.And that's when M, you really have to look within to see why you are doing without. Where is my mentor? Your mentor resides within you,within you. Now, it does not surprise me, given that you work in a homicide unit for a living, that you have a lot of negative energy around you. You have death around you. And when you have death around you most of the time, where do you find your life? Where do you find the one thing that sparks you, that lights that candle within you? That candle that will light your way for the rest of your life.Now I love my KT more than anything in this world, and all of you know that one of my fears is losing KT, not where we would divorce, but to death or to an illness. But I also know that I have an inner light and I'm the one who lights that light. In fact, it's not just me who lights that light. It's my faith. It's my faith in God and I am not afraid to say the word God on this podcast. And it doesn't have to be God for you. Is it an energy, is it a person, who is it? It could be anybody, any religion, any faith. But somewhere you have to believe in yourself and your own light. And when my light starts to dim, then I go to God and then my light is lit by God's light. And that is how I have been living now for so many years, over 30 years.I may have said this all to you before. I don't remember if I have, but I am an incredible student of Indian culture, and Sanskrit, and the stories, and just making everything kind of makes sense if you go back almost to the beginning of time. Because somehow, we've screwed up time. We live in a time and a place where I don't know, all we know how to do is fight with one another, all we know how to do is condemn one another, all we know how to do is listen, if you don't think my way, I don't even want to talk to you. It can't be that way, so it's important that you have an open mind, but what's even more important is that you know your own mind.Where is my mentor? Oh, your mentor is right there, M. Your mentor resides within you, and you are the one who has to give yourself life. But I don't think it's as bad as you think, because anybody who can get up every day and do what? Ride her bike, go to work, make her own lunch, do all these things that you do. Somewhere you are lit because a lot of people when they're depressed, good luck, they can't even get out of bed. No way are they going to make their own lunch, it's just easier for them to go to Kentucky Fried Chicken and order. Do you understand? So I get that you're sad right now, but what is it that's making you really feel alone? And is it faith, faith in a higher entity? Faith in God? Faith in something that everything happens for the best is missing in your life? This may be one of the strangest podcast I've ever done, where I'm like saying, do you need God? I'm not saying that you need God, but I am saying you need faith, faith in a higher entity, faith in somebody. Not some person but faith in something that you know holds you when you can't hold yourself, guides you when you can't guide yourself. Touches your heart like no human being could ever touch your heart. And is that out there? It is, but you have to seek it, you have to find it. So where is my mentor? Your mentor is right there within you. In providing answers, Suze Orman is not acting as a certified financial planner, advisor, a certified financial analyst, an economist, CPA, accountant or lawyer. Suze Orman does not make any recommendations as to any specific securities or investments. All content is for informational and general purposes only and does not constitute financial accounting or legal advice. You should consult your own tax, legal and financial advisors regarding your particular situation. Suze Orman does not accept any responsibility for any loss which may arise from accessing or reliance on the information in this podcast, and to the fullest extent permitted by law, we exclude all liability for loss or damages, direct or indirect, arising from the use of the information. To find the right Credit Union for you, visit https://www.mycreditunion.gov/.