Financial Independence, Personal Growth, Relationships, Women And Money
September 29, 2019
Listen to Podcast Episode:
What is the great destructor of all? In this podcast, Suze gives us an update on the help she’s been offering Women & Money listeners A.T. and Brenda, to get out of their abusive relationships.
Welcome to the Women and Money podcast as well as to the men who are smart enough to be listening. Just so you know, our male audience is growing, and growing, and growing, and I love that. You know, when I first started in money, everybody said, Suze, you just have to focus on women. Women is where it's at. And I always said, you know, I don't want to go to battle with half an army. I want to make sure that money never has a sex, it's not just for men, it's not just for women, it doesn't have a religion, it doesn't have anything. It is for everybody, it's not like just for one specific group. A lot of people think it's only for people who already have money, and maybe that's starting to be truer and truer, but that's not what we're talking about. And so, I always said, no, I am not going to do anything that is just for women. And as time went on, in 2007, I did. I finally changed a little bit. I wrote my first women and only book called Women and Money. But even when I toured with that book, I would always say to the men that showed up that if you just cover the W-O on the title of this book, it then says Men and Money. And men, you need to understand that women are different with money than you are because women are different than men; our psychological makeup, our emotional makeup, what we do with money, it's totally different. So that's why I always say on this podcast, “and for the men who are smart enough to listen” because if a man has what it takes to be listening to this podcast, that means he cares about people first, then money. He cares about the women in his life and he's trying to also understand women out there, as well as what to do with money. So, I always welcome all the men that are smart enough to listen.The theme of today's podcast is an interesting one and it's called the Great Destructor of All. There is something that will destroy everything, and I'm going to get to the answer to that as to how you conquer that destruction. But to get into this topic, I want to read an email that I got from somebody that I refer to as A.T. Now A.T. and I have been emailing each other for months and months now, as A.T. was a woman in a very serious, mentally abusive situation with her husband. And little by little, I've been working with her for her to be able to save enough money to eventually do whatever it is to get out of the situation that she's in. Because when you are in a situation and you don't have money and you want to get out, what are you going to do? This is why I constantly play the interviews with women who were survivors of abuse so that you can see there is a way out and that there is success after failure, so to speak. And it's not failure, but it's situations that you just have to get out of that you got yourself into and you don't even really know how you got yourself into it. But you know you need to get yourself out.So, over time, A.T. and I, like I said, have been communicating. And I woke up this morning and there was an email that I got from A.T. She says, good morning, Suze, I hope you're having a great day and I pray all is well with you. What I love about A.T., I just have to say this, is no matter what she's going through, she always wishes me well, she wishes others well. And there is a law of money, and if you go back to my Five Laws of Money or my Five Laws of Life, whatever I call that podcast, one of the laws happens to be: May every wish that you wish another be a wish that you wish for yourself, for, in fact, it is. She always wishes me and others well, I love that about you, A.T.She goes on, and she says, I've been trying to deal with this new lifestyle I have begun. Working two jobs, I'm so tired in the mornings I barely hear my alarm if I remember to set it. There is always something to do or some store I need to run to after work to get something I don't have at home, so I'm constantly running. I don't want to stop because this is the only way I could maintain trying to save and live. I don't want to complain, but I already struggle with being on time for things. So going to bed at 2:30 or 3 a.m. doesn't make it any easier to get up at 6:30 to be at work by 8 a.m. My day job has a point system, and I feel I have been late a few times already where I'm sure my manager is going to say something to me soon regarding it.So, my kid's father has been staying at the house lately and has been helping me out by waking me up some mornings. Now, just before I go on, her husband, or the kid's father, notice she calls him the kid's father, has been seeing another woman, leaves for months at a time, then comes back and, and whatever. Right? So, this is a period of time when he has come back to the house and we have agreed that until she has the money to leave, just keep everything status quo. Make it so that it's OK. Don't aggravate him, don't get to him, and just keep going until we can figure out a way that she can move out. All right, which is why, by the way, she is working two jobs. She sleeps two or three hours a night, that's it and works two jobs. But that's how much she wants to be free.She goes on to say, for instance, today he woke me, but it was late, and we all overslept today. How in the heck will I adjust on my own if I can't get up in the morning? I am not afraid to try, but because I've been struggling with this, fear of not being able to do it has crept up on me. I don't want to have to depend on anyone to help me. I feel like I have to keep pushing and trying. Do you have any suggestions? I honestly don't know what to do.So, it was after A.T.'s email to me this morning that I decided, yeah, let's do a podcast on the Great Destructor of All because this is the advice that I am going to give A.T. I will write her back directly, and it's advice that really will get you through when you do not know how you are going to make it. You do not know what is it going to take for you to start over? You do not know what can you possibly do in the situation that you're in, because it just looks so bleak.The great destructor of all. As I said, there is something that will destroy everything and that something is known as time. Over time, you absolutely will see destruction. Time erodes the sea walls, time erodes things, it destroys everything. However, there is one way to conquer time and that is through love. If you can just love every single second, every single breath that you take every time you take it, if you can just love every second, love will conquer time and destruction will stop in your life.So, what I would be saying to A.T. is very simple. I would be saying, A.T., you need to love that you're working. You need to love that you are running around. You need to love when you sleep late, you need to love every single thing that you are doing because when you love that, then you literally stop letting time destroy you. Because right now, you can tell by your email that you feel like time is controlling you. There isn't enough time for this, there isn't enough time for that. You can't do it all. But I'm here to tell you, you absolutely can.Now you may think that it's easy for me to say that, like I probably sleep all night and blah, blah, blah, blah. But there was a time in my life when I was just starting out with this and I wanted to make it. I wanted to have this goal of becoming who I became. And to do that, that meant I had to do almost the impossible. So, do you know that there were 10 years of my life that I did not spend more than one day in one place? That I literally would work from 4 or 5 a.m. to 1 or 2 a.m. I would sleep at most two or three hours a night, and even when I met KT and this was already back now 20 years ago, and I already had made it, I kept doing that. And KT kept saying, Suze, you're going to get sick. Suze, you can't keep up this schedule. But what was so amazing is I was never tired. I never felt like, oh, how am I going do this? I loved everything that I was doing. Even back then when I would have to fly 70,000 miles in one month, I will never forget doing that as long as I live. I would finish what I was doing at like midnight. I would then catch a plane, somehow there was always a plane at 1 or 2 a.m., whatever it was, go to the next place I was going. Check into the hotel, have an hour of sleep, and then be up at 5 to appear on the 6 a.m. news, and I did that all the time and I loved it. I loved it. I remember getting into that airplane seat and immediately falling asleep for an hour or two, or however long the flight was to the next stop. And I always loved those two hours because they were just for me.So, it is important that you look at your life and you look at everything happening in your life and you stop complaining about it. You stop feeling like, I never have time for myself, I don't have this, I don't have that. You have made choices. I know I've been talking a lot about my niece lately, but I'm going to talk about her again because she listens to this podcast and Alexis is a woman who chose to have three kids, and to say that she is the best mother in the world is putting it mildly. But the truth is, a lot of time she says, I'm so tired. I'm just so tired, oh my God. It's, I just need time for myself and whatever. And so, Alexis, if you're listening to this podcast, which I know you will be, you have to love every moment of every second. You have to even love when you are exhausted, when you cannot move, when you have to do everything possible to just make it through. If you could just change your mindset and rather than let time control you, which destroys your being and destroys your frame of reference, it just destroys your happiness. It actually makes you more tired. If you could just love every moment of every day, every second of every day, everything would start to change in your life. And being tired would disappear because it actually takes more energy not to like doing something than to love doing something.So, love, love of your situation can change your situation, it can change it. Love of yourself can change your situation because the truth of the matter is, if you think about this, the reason that you've gotten into situations that you don't want to be in, such as A.T., such as many of you that are starting over. The reason that you got into that situation, to begin with, it's because you didn't love yourself enough to value yourself enough, to honor yourself enough so that you stopped it when you saw that it was happening.You know, there's another woman and I talked about her a little bit ago, a few podcasts ago, Brenda. And I still am corresponding with Brenda as well. And the thing that is important to understand is that Brenda was in this relationship for 15 years and then her, you know, girlfriend or whatever leaves her. I don't know, you know, they weren't married so what do I refer to them as, partners, or whatever? But all right, a girlfriend leaves her, and now she's devastated. But Brenda, if you had looked at the situation that you were in. Don’t tell me that you didn't know that there were times that you didn't like it, that you didn't feel loved, that you just knew you were settling, but you decided to settle. And that's the problem in life, we decide to settle, we think it's OK.All right, we're getting by, everything's copasetic, all right. But no, that is not the goal of life, ladies. The goal of life is for you to be happy, for you to thrive, for you to rise as the song, the theme song that we have here by Effie says. And so, it is important that you look at your lives right now, the relationships you're in, what you're doing with your time. What is the time you're spending on your money? Because one reason you probably don't love your money or love your financial situation is you hate the time that it takes to learn about it. If you just loved spending the time to learn about money, do you have any idea how much more money you would have? So, the theme is, how do you conquer the great destructor of all? And again, the great destructor of all is known as time, is through love. Can you just try that one on for size? In providing answers neither Suze Orman Media nor Suze Orman is acting as a Certified Financial Planner, advisor, a Certified Financial Analyst, an economist, CPA, accountant, or lawyer. Neither Suze Orman Media nor Suze Orman makes any recommendations as to any specific securities or investments. All content is for informational and general purposes only and does not constitute financial, accounting or legal advice. You should consult your own tax, legal and financial advisors regarding your particular situation. Neither Suze Orman Media nor Suze Orman accepts any responsibility for any loss, which may arise from accessing or reliance on the information in this podcast and to the fullest extent permitted by law, we exclude all liability for loss or damages, direct or indirect, arising from use of the information. 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